Cheerful Despair

Join two men on the right side of middle age and the wrong side of clinical obesity as they talk about basically nothing. Be disturbed by their absurd views and alarmed by how much you agree with them. For thirty minutes anything goes - this is cheerful despair. Scottish author David F Porteous is approximately one half of Cheerful Despair, find out more about him at his website David Candy is approximately the other half of Cheerful Despair, learn nothing about him at his youtube channel
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Now displaying: 2020
Dec 6, 2020

"I tried top [sic] watch [sic] this. It was beyond stupid and not even a little bit funny. Sounded like extreme left wing nonsense and trying to make it sound funny."

This time on Cheerful Despair:

  • Extreme left wing nonsense! Wow!
  • Beyond stupid! Yay!
  • Not even a little bit funny!
    • Plus!
  • Trying to make it sound funny!
May 28, 2020

Recorded in early 2019 and aged in an oak MacBook previously used to produce a fine Scottish audiobook. This episode has exquisite bouquets of:

  • Time passes, possibly on the way to taking four consecutive rights and coming back to where it was
  • The Apple Store that used to be a Wimpy
  • "There was never 'the' terminator, it was always 'a' terminator"
  • The hospitalisation of Scottish Author David F Porteous
  • The Cheerful Despair Discriminatory Gymnasium and Subscription Sex Prison ft. Tom Hanks
  • "Nobody is gonna go to that pub"

As well as delicate hints of our favourite segments Debate Bag and a Christmas Cross Quiz written for a Christmas Special we never recorded (or did we?!? (we didn't)).

Remember, if you don't share our podcast on social media, the terrorists win. Their podcast is very popular.

Now eat an orange.

May 8, 2020

Denied their sound engineer and recording studio by an extremely rude global pandemic, David F. Porteous and David Candy bring you the subtle flavours and rich aroma of Cheerful Despair from the state-mandated comfort of their own homes. Wow!

This time on the UK's 37th best comedy podcast*:

  • Neil Armstrong porks out!
  • A touch of the gammons!
  • David F. Porteous vs. Peppa Pig!
    • Plus:
  • Inconsistent sound quality!
  • Sloppy editing!

*Technically true, really quite a long time ago now.

Feb 24, 2020

Cheerful Despair takes you back into the warm, slightly moist, folds of its matronly but disturbingly hairy bosom. Other joys we remind you of in this episode:

  • The joy of babies - you can't hit them with bricks, you just can't
  • The joy of employment - you still can't hit babies with bricks
  • The joy of clowns - you can hit them with bricks, and you should

We've probably put something about Star Trek in here too, you know what we're like.

Originally recorded at some point in 2018, probably. A few months before DFP was hospitalised with diabetes he talks nonsense about how fit he is.

We just keep these episodes forever and eventually some of them break out of the cellar. Frankly, if you told more strangers about these podcasts, you'd get more. This is your fault.